Sunday, June 28, 2015

Freakish Fair Foods

To fully understand the gravity of this excerpt, you will need to peruse this Des Moines Register article of approved fare for this summer's ten day event.

They ignored my suggestions which were:

1. Fried Cheesecake Balls

2. Breaded Deep Fried Bacon, wrapped in bacon, with bacon dipping sauce

3. Mystery Meat on a Stick (not a corn dog, to avoid confusion, and if you guess correctly they take a dollar off  *hint  Don't dismiss raccoon, aka Raccoon River Dog)

4. Tapas (almost as random as Bruschetta)

5. Chocolate Dipped Peppermint Saltwater Taffy

6. Candy Coated Donuts (you pick the candy, customization)

7. Deep Fried Triple Cheeseburger

8. Cotton Candy Funnel Cake

9. Snickerdoodle Funnel Cake

10. Bacon Fries, half bacon, half fries, smothered in ranch dressing

11. Deep Fried Pepper-jack Pork Balls

12. Barbecue Ice Cream Sundae (an ice cream sundae with barbecue sauce)

13. Bacon Bits Kettle Corn

14. Golden Fried Macaroni and Cheese Balls (with dipping sauce)

15. Deep Fried Strawberry Rhubarb Pie

I went through an onslaught of emotions when compiling this, a helping of sarcasm, a lot of disgust, a dash of cynicism, and a little neglect. (You can't write about food!) I settled on trying to make food choices that had about an 80% repelling factor and a 20% appealing one. I believe this is what state fair organizers do in showcasing these events. They stun us with their shock value foods in order to draw crowds, the way that circus goers of yesteryear were drawn to circus freaks. Have fun with the fare!